Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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