Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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