The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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