i will never coherently bang her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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