I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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