I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
