well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
