I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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