New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
