It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love having hate sex.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
