Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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