I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
