So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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