Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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