She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Houston, we have a blender
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
