every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
