I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
