well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
