Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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