there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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