Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
