She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
