I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
