did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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