He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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