Too much gin, very little bucket
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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