well you can't waste a boner
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
