You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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