we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
