ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think people are normalizing furries
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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