The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
