I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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