I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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