the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He better not be in your backpack
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
