It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she peed on how many people?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
