Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
