get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
