And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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