this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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