So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
