our cab driver is having phone sex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They took my balls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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