My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
