so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
