Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
