I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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