At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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