I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
