I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
