Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
