She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
