there's paper in my vomit.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
