He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
