nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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