I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
