Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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