If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Semen is not good for contacts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
