So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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