just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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