well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
