I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
as a side note pls kill me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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