well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
