there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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