after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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