Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
